against the rules
Originally posted on 2025-02-27 on AO3
The beds arrived exactly one week after Laila ordered them and putting them together took a good chunk of the afternoon even with the help of some of their friends: Cody came over early, but they weren’t exactly helpful screwing headboards, they were more interested in playing with Jab —which was helpful in its own way, since no one wanted to lock Jab in the bathroom while they worked.
Around lunchtime, Pat and Ananya came to drop off lunch and they ate together sitting on the dozen discarded boxes they had lying around. This time, when Ananya pushed the chicken biryani his way, he didn’t look at Cat for confirmation, he knew it was allowed, so he took it enthusiastically, thanking her.
Lunch took longer than intended because they started explaining to Jean a card game they brought to unwind later, but Jean kept asking questions that started small arguments between Cat, Pat and Cody.
“You can’t put a +4 on top of +2,” Pat insisted.
“Yes, you can,” Cat pressed. “It’s in the rules.”
“Yeah, Pat, it’s in the rules,” Ananya teased as she started cleaning up the lunch leftovers. Cody stood up to help her with the task while shaking their head.
Jean was ready to get up and continue the frustrating task of putting his bed frame together when he heard a familiar voice call Jab from outside. Jab ran to the balcony and barked at Jeremy, waggling his tail.
He took a deep breath to calm down his frantic heart. Ever since the day Jab came home, things between Jean and Jeremy had been slightly awkward. Jean wasn’t sure what it was that he did, just that he needed to find a way to correct it without breaking anything else in the process.
Jeremy cooed at Jab from outside for a couple of minutes, then disappeared for a moment until he used his key to get into the apartment and Jab ran to the door to receive him. Envying Jab for the hug he got from Jeremy was ridiculous, but something pulled on his chest anyway. Unconsciously, his left hand went to his ribs, looking for the source of the pain, but there was nothing.
Once Jeremy was thoroughly hugged by everyone in the apartment, he came to stand next to Jean with a question on his face. Jeremy offered him a hand and Jean took it without hesitation, standing up easily. Jean didn’t have practice in this sort of thing, yet pulling Jeremy closer for a hug felt instinctive, his body going from tense and nervous to relaxed in seconds, Jeremy’s arms around him felt right in ways that were most likely against the rules.
Whose rules? rang in his head again.
Jean let go after a moment and said, “your dog has been very unhelpful. Go for a walk and take Laila so we can finish here.”
Jeremy looked puzzled, but Laila seemed content to be off the hook for a while. They left the apartment with Jab, while Cat surveyed the mess in the room.
“If we finish these beds soon, we can take a nap.”
Cat and Ananya went to Cat's room, while Pat took on the challenge of helping Jean put the frame together. They worked mostly in silence and finished before Cat and Ananya did, so Pat left the room to help them while Jean made the bed. Jean had never had a queen bed to himself so it took longer than any bed he'd slept before, but he managed well enough. When Laila ordered the bed, they also bought bedding that fit; Jean's was a deep dark blue and he was sad that Jeremy wouldn't see the way it looked against his skin. Belatedly, he realized that thought was not allowed and he shook his head.
His bedroom looked incredibly sterile, but at least Jean was making a real effort to make it feel his. This apartment would never be theirs, but it was as good a place as any to start again.
He was startled by the sound of the door opening and Jab's enthusiastic running around the apartment. Jean turned towards the voices in the living room just in time to see Jab enter the room. The dog pressed his head against Jean's shin and he leaned down to scratch behind his ears, but the dog quickly became distracted by the new bed in the center of the room.
"Looks good," Jeremy said, standing by the door.
Jean found his friend's eyes and shrugged. "It's a bed."
Jeremy smiled, as if that was exactly what he expected to hear. "I was telling Laila we can go to the flea market down at Venice. We haven't gone there yet."
"A flea market?"
Jeremy must have thought Jean didn't understand the concept, so he took it upon himself to explain."Yeah, you know, with the booths and stands and the random objects. I'm sure you guys have gone to some during the week."
"Can Jab go?" Jean asked.
"You wanna take Jab?"
"You came to see your dog. You shouldn't miss out on that time."
"I didn't come for Jab only, you know?" Jeremy said. He looked away from Jean when he said, "I can't miss the attempts at housewarming this place."
They were interrupted by Cody when they came behind Jeremy. "Laila said you're going to the flea market down in Venice?"
"Yeah, wanna come with?" Jeremy said.
"And miss an opportunity to hang out with my favorite dog? Hell no." At Jeremy's confused look, Cody added, "Venice Beach is not dog friendly. You're gonna have to start learning these things, Jeremy. You don't wanna have your trip ruined because you didn't check first."
"Why can't dogs go to the beach?" Jean asked, feeling his face fall into a frown.
"They can't go to Venice beach. Plenty of others have dog friendly areas."
"It doesn't make sense."
"Let me know if the world ever starts to make sense," said Cody with a bright smile. "Go on, Laila is waiting for you to get going." Jean didn't know what his face looked like, but Cody immediately added "I'm a-okay with dogsitting, by the way. No worries on that front. Please get chairs. Or an ungodly amount of cushions, whatever it takes to fix the seating arrangements in this place."
Jeremy smiled at them, then turned to Jean "shall we?"
Jean followed him to the car in silence. Once they were all settled in Jeremy's car, he finally asked "what are we getting?"
Cat smiled at him as she said "everything."
Jean should have known by now that Cat would be a menace at a place like this. She stopped everywhere to show Laila something she might like and Laila, who was still reeling from the loss of her things, was happy to follow along and see if a trinket would fit with their space or not.
He stayed a few steps behind with Jeremy by his side, browsing the different stands with more interest than he had in previous days. Jean still wasn't sure how to manage his own money or how long the money from the car would stretch, so he was carefully weighing his options for another housewarming gift for the girls.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a stand with large prints of photographs of the L.A. streets and some smaller paintings that looked like originals. Jean found himself standing in front of a medium-sized painting of two women staring at each other, its bright hues of green, pink and purple reminded him of Cat saying her favorite color is pink.
"How much is this?" he asked.
The woman at the stand looked up from her phone, blatantly checked him out, and gave him a friendly smile. "Hi! You mean the two women?" She waited for Jean's nod before continuing. "Oh, that's a good one, isn't it? My friend Norma painted it. Two hundred. Though I could give you a discount if you give me your number."
Jean frowned. Why would he give her his number for a painting? Especially when she might actually call. And for what? Jean had nothing to offer her. Jeremy's voice broke through his thoughts when he said "it's really beautiful. Thank you."
When Jean didn't move, Jeremy put a hand on his arm to get his attention.
"It's for Laila," he said, sure it would explain everything.
"There are other stands."
"She will like this one," Jean pressed. "It will look good in their room."
Jeremy sighed and reached into his pocket.
"I can afford it," Jean said, reaching into his own pocket, but Jeremy already had his card out.
"Can I get a receipt for that?" Jeremy asked. When the woman nodded, he added "and do you think we could get it wrapped? It's for a friend."
"Jeremy."
Instead of looking at him, Jeremy walked behind him to get a good look at the paintings on the other side of Jean.
"Jeremy," he tried again.
"Hmm?"
"You didn't need to do that."
"Yes, I did."
Jean shook his head, knowing what this purchase would cost Jeremy in the long run. "You didn't need to do that," he insisted.
"Can you spend your money on something for yourself?" Jeremy asked.
"What if I want a 500-dollar painting?" Jean turned to look at Jeremy but Jeremy was still browsing the artworks with feigned interest.
"Then you get a 500-dollar painting," he said.
Jean dug in his pockets until he found a quarter and offered it to Jeremy who finally looked up at him.
"Thoughts?" Jean asked.
A smile broke across his face. Jean's heart beat faster for no apparent reason. "Technically, it's a penny, you know?"
"I didn't have one of those."
Jeremy's smile wavered before he spoke. "You deserve to get things for yourself, you know?"
"I bought a bed."
"Frivolous things. Non-essentials. Useless but pretty. It's your place as much as it's Cat and Laila's."
Jean thought it over. He'd never had much to begin with, the meager possessions that were truly irreplaceable were Kevin's postcard, the bracelet he got on the Fourth of July, and his sand dollar. He'd never bought something solely for its aesthetic value or because he wanted it.
The woman came back with the painting wrapped in brown paper and a receipt for Jeremy. He took the painting and gave it to Jean to hold while he put his card back in his pocket, then Jeremy took it back, wished the woman a good day and motioned Jean to follow him.
Jean thought about Jeremy's words as they walked around, then came to a stop when he saw a stand with different cameras, framed photographs and other photography accessories. He heard Cat's laugh somewhere near and was reminded of the wall of pictures Cat and Laila had together back in the house.
Jeremy gave him a curious look when Jean reached for one of the cameras. He'd seen these cameras before shoved at his face after games, and now interviews, and part of him had always wondered how it felt to be the one who captured a photo but he didn't think he had the eye for it. Did he have to be good at it? Maybe it could be like Jeremy taking one of his fun classes at college.
A thought occurred to him and he turned to the man who patiently watched him from the side of the stand. The man looked at Jean encouragingly.
"Do you have an instant camera?" Jean asked.
The man smiled excitedly at him. "I have a couple. Let me show you."
Ten minutes and a hundred dollars later, Jean not only had a polaroid camera, he'd also learned how to put photo paper in it and took his very first picture: Jeremy posing next to the stand, smiling and giving Jean the thumbs up. Jean flipped it too soon and the sunlight left an ugly mark on the bottom, the color washed out from it. Jean wanted to throw it away but Jeremy stopped him, shoving it in his pocket.
"It's useless."
"You may want to remember this moment! Your first photos!"
Jean thought he would never forget this afternoon, photo or not. Jeremy's bright eyes, his relaxed posture, his mouth curved in a smile, it was all too much for his heart.
He put the camera strap around his neck and started for the next stand, aware that Jeremy was giving him a look. By the time his friend joined him, Jeremy had schooled his features into something resembling normalcy and started his usual chatter.
"We should find a dog friendly beach to go to this weekend," he suggested.
Jean glanced at him, then away.
"You will go?"
"We can do something on Saturday, I'm sure," Jeremy said. "There's a fundraiser on Friday, she won't want to see me on Saturday at all."
Before Jean could say anything, Cat called them from a couple of stands ahead. Jean saw that she had a big trash bag that looked filled to the brim in one hand, while Laila carried a yellow lamp. Both of them had similar curious eyes, so Jean stopped and snapped a picture of them.
By the time Jeremy and Jean reached them, Cat had figured out what he was holding and made grabby hands at him.
"Let me see, let me see," she called.
Jean carefully turned the photo around. it looked a bit washed out, but not nearly as much as Jeremy's. Clearly Jean needed to time his shots better. Laila's face was surprised, while Cat is smiling, eyes closed, two fingers in up in a peace sign.
"Oh, you look cute," Laila said.
"I always do," Cat replied, looking too offended for it to be real.
"Did you buy enough paper? Cat is going to steal this all the time." Laila's tone was fond. "This will be worse than the paparazzi."
Jean's soft happiness turned into alarm. "I'm sorry."
Laila touched his arm softly. "Jean, oh no, no, it's okay."
His hand twitched on the camera.
"You never said it was okay, I should've asked. I'm—"
"Don't. I promise I'm okay with this," Laila insisted. "Besides, this means we can save on a photographer for the wedding."
Jean's heart slowly settled back into his ribcage, but it took him a moment before he was able to nod and move again. Cat was frowning at them as if she wasn't sure if she missed something between the two of them or not. In the end, her eyes went back to the photo and smiled.
"I saw a place that had dog collars, we could get something for Jab," Jeremy said, the final break in the tension from before.
They walked together to the stand and got Jab a beautiful crocheted collar that had a rainbow pattern. Jean rolled his eyes at that but couldn't wait to see how it would look in a photo taken in the balcony.
When they walked out of the market, Jeremy stopped a passerby and asked him to take a picture of them together. Jean would have refused, but Jeremy put his arm around his shoulders and Cat grabbed his other arm in both of her arms, as if she was scared he would slip away.
"Cheers!" said the stranger, in a very accented English.
Jean's eyes went to Jeremy out of their own volition, but before he knew it, it was over and the stranger was passing the camera and the photo to them. Laila took them and kept them close to her chest for a moment until Cat said "come on, let me see it!"
She turned it around and Jean felt a blush creeping up his cheeks. Cat, Laila and Jeremy were looking straight at the camera, while it was obvious that Jean was looking at Jeremy. Jean was scared of what could be read in his face, of the rules he was breaking, of being too obvious.
Riko's voice rang somewhere in his head, but Jean immediately shut it up. He refused to let Riko ruin this moment. There weren't enough rules in the world he wouldn't fight to be exactly where he was: flanked by Jeremy and Cat, Laila not far away, all of them relaxed under the afternoon sun.
It's against the rules, he thought.
Whose rules? Renee asked.
Whose rules indeed.
Later that night, as the sun set on the horizon, Cat and Laila sat on the floor on some of the cushions they'd bought at the market —some mismatched designs that looked right at home in their living room— as Cat brushed Laila's hair. Jeremy sat in front of them, arranging the photos they had taken during the afternoon in order. Wordlessly, his friends agreed that their photo outside the market would be put up on the fridge where everyone could see it. Jean wasn't exactly a fan of the photo and all it revealed, but the smiles on their faces were enough for Jean to want to keep it forever.
Jean sat next to Jeremy watching his progress, occasionally pointing that one picture came before another one but mainly just watching Jeremy work. He was delaying the inevitable: as soon as he left the apartment, he would have to drive home where his mother would have more than one scathing remark saved for him.
The ringing of Jeremy's phone meant his time was up. He answered with a tired "Yes? At Laila's. Yes. Yes, I know. I'm on my way anyway. See you soon."
Cat's face fell and she put the brush to the side. "Jeremy."
But neither of them said anything else.
Jeremy stood up and Jean followed suit. Jeremy looked like he was going to ask, but instead of saying anything, he grabbed a picture of Laila and Cat that he took in the kitchen earlier and shoved it into his pocket. He kissed Cat and Laila's heads good night, then rubbed Jab behind the ears. Jean followed him to his car in silence.
Jeremy stopped next to the driver's door. "Is something wrong?" he asked.
"When are you coming home?"
"Jean..." his voice got lost somewhere between his throat and the space between them.
"Is it because of something I did?" Jean's stomach tightened, waiting for the reprimand that would never come. Old habits died hard.
"What? No, Jean, you know I have to go home."
"No." Before Jeremy protested, Jean continued. "This is home. You are my partner. Your place is by my side."
Jean's heart thumped in his chest and he felt heat in his cheeks. It felt bold, bolder than anything he had said earlier. For a moment neither of them moved, time stood still and all Jean could hear was the violent roar of the sea in his ears.
Jeremy looked torn. Softly, he said, "you know I can't stay, Jean. Not yet."
If not yet, then when? When would it be Jeremy's turn at freedom? Jean swallowed the bitterness in his mouth and, still feeling fearless, he took Jeremy's hand. Jeremy drew a breath in, but didn't pull away. Jean's words caught in his throat and all he could do was look into those warm brown eyes that always seemed to find him.
Suddenly, he was aware of how dangerous this harmless gesture was for both of them and Jean wanted to pull away, but he found he couldn't let go. Not yet.
Something pulled at his stomach, maybe it was the thrill of going against the rules for once.
"Take care then," Jean said, still holding Jeremy's hand.
Jeremy swallowed before saying, "you too."
They held hands for a moment longer that seemed to stretch into eternity, the only way to know time was passing the fading light in the background.
Jean squeezed Jeremy's hand once and let go, watching as Jeremy got into the car.
"We'll be waiting for you," Jean said as Jeremy pulled out and into traffic.
Out of the window, horribly accented but terribly warm, Jeremy said in French "see you soon."
When Jean got back to the apartment, Cat and Laila had left to their room already but had their door open, so Jean quickly went to their room to wish them good night and retreated to his own room. On top of his pillow, the first picture Jean took and Jeremy's bright smile waited for him. He took it into his hands and noticed Jeremy had written something behind it. It read Jean's first photo. 2007. Venice flea market in Jeremy's disastrous handwriting.
Jean turned around, checking he was still alone in his room before looking back at it.
It's against the rules.
He thought back to fond brown eyes and unwavering loyalty, to warm, callous hands in the cool September night.
Damn the rules.